The Story of Bing Ji Ling

All true;

June 18th 1972, While en route to a rural Californian hospital, a baby plopped out of a nice lady in the back of her husband's Chinese ice cream truck. The child was named Bing Ji Ling, which is Chinese for "Ice Cream".

By age 2, the young parents discovered that their kid had a unique ability to measure the "pleasure factor" of any flavor of ice cream.

Says his mom;
"Certain flavors would cause baby Bing to cast loose unmistakably musical giggles, little songs of love, apparently, caused by ice cream --------- and ---- or --- nearly naked girls."

Word quickly spread about "the singing ice cream baby". People came from miles around to the family ice cream parlor to behold Bing's penchant for singing of ice cream -- and --- or --- girls. More importantly, Bing was always right, he knew exactly how to pick a hit flavor be it ice cream or ---- girl. Business boomed.

By the puny age of 5, Bing had composed all the jingles for the company’s new fleet of ice cream trucks. So great was the success, that a local ordinance banned the ice cream music for creating traffic jams caused by the dancing crowds of nearly naked girls who swarmed the trucks. The Ice Cream business was killed. Little Bing Ji Ling cried and cried and cried. "What's wrong with happy music?" he sobbed, "What's wrong with love songs about ice cream and girls?”, he wept. "WHAT'S WRONG WITH DANCING?" he
shouted to the heavens.

For the next twelve years, Bing Ji Ling kept his gift to himself; he was scarred. He spent most of his time in his room looking at pictures of nearly naked girls and listening to Stevie Wonder, Michael Jackson, Hall & Oates, Luther Vandross, Prince, Freddie Jackson, New Edition, and many others who shared his desire to sing and dance about love, ice cream and girls... well love and girls anyway. He ate a lot of ice cream during those years --- truthfully, he got a little pudgy.

At age 19, Bing was convinced to hit the road and spread love in a way he knew would not be banned, he became a preacher of religion. But singing and dancing about religion proved very difficult for Bing. Religion seemed like hell. -- Sure, there was plenty of ice cream, but where were the nearly naked girls? You can't have one without the other --- it's not right.

In his travels Bing met an inquisitive fellow preacher named merkley???. Years earlier, merkley??? had been banned from wiggle dancing for causing too much loud laughter, joy and near nakedness in his backwards little Utah town. Bing and merkley??? became fast friends. One cold day, merkley??? said to Bing;

"That's bullcrap that you were banned from jingling. You need to be TRUE."

Bing said to merkley???;

"That's bullcrap that you were banned from wiggle dancing, YOU need to be true."

All at once, truth konked both of them on their heads and they both exclaimed;

"Religion is hell -- screw it. -- Ice cream and nearly naked girls are waaaay better."

And so they moved to San Francisco where singing and dancing about love, ice cream and girls had yet to be banned. A house was purchased and painted pink, and the ice cream/music business was resurrected, Bing made the ice cream and wrote the jingles, merkley??? added fancy toppings to both -- and everybody sang and danced about love, ice cream and nearly naked girls --- even fags sang about nearly naked girls.

Years have passed and the ice cream business is going global, new factories are being built, new flavors emerge daily.... -- seek it out in your town. Try a scoop or gallon -- you will dance about it. Try not to get banned -- it sucks.